My Happily Ever After via a Horoscope and a Bachelorette Party

Two bachelorette parties down, 4 weddings to go! Good lord, the last 2 weekends have been exhausting…

I was particularly excited for the first bachelorette party as it was hosted in Fort Worth… the other two letters of DFW that is polar opposite of the D and the two don’t typically like to intermingle. Fort Worth is a refreshing change of scenery if you’ve been stuck in Dallas for a while. It is a place where you can ditch the LBD and high heals for cut off shorts and cowboy boots. A place where less is more and drinks are cheaper because the men are nicer. Oh, the men… really put Dallas men to SHAME (says the single Dallas girl).

So, what do you need for a Fort Worth weekend getaway? Just the essentials…

Fort Worth bachelorette party essentials.

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Before I could get too excited about the upcoming month of wedding and bachelorette festivities, I had to see what Susan Miller said the *stars* had aligned for me first. I’m not typically an astrology nut, but Susan is basically an Astrology God that really knows her stuff. And I might not blame you if you start getting curious about your own Susan Miller horoscope and start exiting my blog right about now…

But if not, here is a short snippet of what the stars had in store for me the weekend of this Fort Worth bachelorette party, via the Astrology God herself-
“Romantically, circle May 18, when we will see a conjunction of Venus and Uranus in Aries. Aries is a fire sign that blends beautifully with yours and guards your eleventh house of fun, friendship, and events. This will be a highly electric day when love may be sparked suddenly, and a friend seems to be the one that brings you both together.” – Susan Miller
Hello… I am going to meet me a boot wearin’, two-steppin’, handsome Fort Worth man through a friend at an “electric” event and we are going to live happily ever after!

Nope.

I did, however, meet the total opposite: a Canadian that did not know how to two-step… poor thing. He asked me to dance. I led him around the dance floor – apparently that makes the man think I like to call the shots in a relationship (well yeah, but I’m not going to admit that!). We had a great conversation that we both pretended that we actually heard what the other person was saying and… the night ended and we went our separate ways.

Better luck next time, right Susan??

XOXO,

Jordan

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A Mind Blowing Experience… Right here in Dallas.

I haven’t watched Real Housewives drama in over a week. I can’t remember the last time I was on Pinterest. I wore red skinny jeans yesterday and purple crop pants today because that is all that is clean in my house and I am exhausted. Why…?

The Final Four has been here in Dallas and I had the opportunity to completely submerge myself into any and all of its related festivities. This was a big deal for Dallas and Dallas really kicked ass and put on a hell of a show in my eyes.

 

Bracket Town Dallas
Bracket Town was held at the Kay Bailey Hutchison Convention Center next to the beautiful Omni Dallas Hotel.

 

Bracket Town Baseball
My all time favorite baseball player hung out with me at Bracket Town. He (sadly) had no interest in meeting Jason Witten with me, so he played baseball instead.

 

Jason Witten
Yes, you heard me. JASON WITTEN. Another gorgeous married man…

 

DeMarco Murray
DeMarco Murray… He looked at me, I saw his smile and I almost dropped my phone.

 

Bill Walton
This is Bill Walton. Other names that I didn’t know until this day are: Clyde Drexler, Alonzo Mourning and Mateen Cleaves. There were a few others but I already forgot them. I might can actually carry on a basketball conversation at this point…

 

Dallas Final Four skyline
Even this crappy picture shows how beautifully lit up the Dallas skyline was. Driving home to Dallas from the game in Arlington really made a local girl proud.

 

Jason Aldean. Willie (some Duck Dynasty guy). Best Friends. Perfection. 
Jason Aldean. Willie (some Duck Dynasty guy). Best Friends. Perfection.

 

Josh Abbott
Eeek. Awkward eye contact. Act cool… act cool. EEEEKKKK. Straight face. Get your shit together. Okay, go talk to him. JOSH ABBOTT. You know… from Josh Abbott Band, the best Texas Country Band EVER.

Do yourself a major favor and listen to this song of his –> She’s Like Texas. Maybe this one too –> Taste. Okay, well while you’re at it –> Oh, Tonight.

It may or may not be on my bucket list to be his back up singer one day… 

 

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Not a big Bruce Springsteen fan, but I am a major fan of this picture I took.

 

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Oh, so… they MADE me get on stage before Bruce and do the Charles Barkley bobble head. What (and Who)TF is that? Oh, a professional basketball player. Makes sense… But how do you do a bobble head dance? I only know how to shake my ass. And that’s what I did… in front of thousands of people… and got booed. But, not by Charles Barkley, if that makes any difference. He was a big fan and now so am I.

 

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I was a wet-rained on mess after the Springsteen show and being one of the only girls wearing cowboy boots means people easily recognizing you… as the girl who shook her ass in front of thousands of people. Dammit.

 

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Kid Rock is the exact bad ass we all expect and know him to be in real life.

 

Now the Final Four – the purpose of all of these events and the most mind-blowing and amazing thing I have ever experienced.

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photo 3 (8)

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I don’t think my brain has been so over stimulated since I was a baby in a room full of bright colors. But, now it’s time to get back to the normal grind and catch up on life and Housewives!

 

XOXO,

 

Bobble Ass Jordan

 

Conan Loves Dallas

Conan O'brien DallasUnless you’re living under a Dallas rock, or in Ft Worth, you are well aware that Conan is here in Dallas filming his late night talk show at The Majestic. I’m not a big late night talk show watcher (unless it’s Andy Cohen) but when I was presented Conan O’brien tickets, I could NOT turn them down. And I’m glad I didn’t!

Even though it’s not Dallas fashion to wear sequenced and rhinestoned tuxedo jackets and cowboy hats, Conan “repped” the city well! Baylor Hospital (AKA my place of birth), Mary Kay, Southwest Airlines and the AT&T Stadium were all made part of his shenanigans which made me super proud. He attempted somewhat of a George Strait/Garth Brooks/Alan Jackson impersonation and sang a cute country song based off of what Wikipedia says about our city. Then, you could feel a huge sense of pride in the crowd when he started bashing Houston. Suckas! The show aired last night (I’m late to the game), but you can see the clip, here.

conan singing

Now, what I’m really here for… How does he get his air to stand up so tall and have so much volume?

 

XOXO,

Jordan

 

My Secrets to Online Dating, + More

photo (6) If you approached me 2 years ago (which everyone did) about online dating, I was totally against it. I thought “I’m in my twenties and trying really hard not to be desperate!” Now today, Bravo has a new hit TV show (Online Dating Rituals of the American Male), you probably know at least 3 happy couples that met online and 1 out of 4 of your friends have downloaded a dating app. Well… they say they only downloaded it. They’re lying; they’ve done more! The point is- It is time to embrace online dating! I went on my first date with an online-r last night, and it wasn’t terrible… at all! Whoop!

Now, before I go any further, let me start by saying… I am not a pro-online dater. But I am damn good at judging an online-r by its online cover. And because I am advocating online dating, I am also sharing my online dating secrets, plus more…

Your Picture. The first thing people see is not your name, let’s be honest. Finding your best picture shouldn’t be hard, but people still seem to screw it up.

  • Selfies = bad. If you have a profile full of selfies, people are going to think you don’t have any friends or you’re a douche if you’re a guy.
  • You can take a Nelfie, meaning a picture people can’t tell is a selfie.
  • Don’t hide behind a cropped picture. Post a full body pic. No, you don’t need (and don’t recommend) you have a perfect figure in order to do this. People (including you) just don’t want to be catfished or blindsided if things go beyond the internet.

Your Personality. This is like prime time to be your true self. If someone doesn’t appreciate it, who cares.

  • If you’re outdoorsy, sport that.
  • If you’re a girl’s girl, flaunt that.
  • If you’re artsy, show that.
  • If you’re desperate, hide that. Gotcha!

You can do this in your pictures, your About Me section and when you’re messaging each other. I mean, after all… you have time to think before you send each message and if they don’t get your humor, no loss for either of you.

Your Profile. Before you starting Xing, <3ing and matching, check your profile to make sure it is up to date. These dating sites are usually connected to your Facebook account, so you don’t want your secret obsession with Celine Dion advertised publicly on your profile. (Guilty)

Your Pre-judgement. Don’t jump the gun, whether it’s exchanging numbers, friending each other on Facebook or actually meeting.

Now for my top secret secret- 

There’s a really cool new dating app coming to Dallas and my readers are invited to their open bar, I mean launch party, next Thursday at Social House Uptown.

Get your tickets here: http://dallas.hinge.co/Dallasbelle Access code: 2713

I’ll see you there!

XOXO,

Jordan

Fun Fact Friday

Kiss me, I’m Black Irish.

Black Irish: Basically when the Spanish Armada shipped wrecked along the Irish shores and reproduced… making Irish babies with dark hair, eyes and skin. 

I am often asked what my ethnicity is and instead of being a total bore and saying I’m a white girl, I either go with Black Irish or Brazilian.

Okay, one of those may be slightly exaggerated, but when meeting people for the first time (only when I’m at bars, I promise), why not impress them with my lovely Spanglish speaking skills? It usually gets me a free valet, a phone number I didn’t ask for or a Sol Brothers beer- that, I’ll take!

Today it was brought up that I have a higher tolerance for certain drinks (**cough-anything-with-alcohol-cough*) than most people and that I think I get that “skill” from my family. My coworker immediately asked if I was Irish and I was finally able to use my Black Irish card on a day other than St. Patty’s Day! Cheers to that!

Ironically, I met a fellow Black Irish descendant recently and when I freaked out about him being, in fact, Black Irish, he immediately started giving me the run down on the background of the ethnicity because no one ever knows what it is.

Now, you do.

You’re welcome,

Jordan

PS- Obama claims he’s Irish; I beg to differ. However, these people are..

Ashton Kutcher - Black Irish

Colin Farrell - Black Irish

Black irish

Zoey Deschanel - Black Irish