Long Hair – Start to Care

Breaking News!

Hot off the press!

News flash!

Freakishly long hair

There IS a such thing as too long of hair. Yes, this applies to men (obvi), but ladies, I’m talking to you! Now, I’m not talking about the standard “long hair”. I mean, hi. I have long hair. I am talking the insanely long “wanna be hipster” but really looks like a horse’s mane hair.

 

 

My justifications:

Hair near your ass crack can’t be sanitary.

9 times out of 10, it looks stringy and nappy… oh, and greasy.

What do you do with it in bed? (That’s what she said, beat you to it!)

Adding the middle part to the mess makes your face look 4 times longer than it really is.

Also, crazy long hair throws off other body proportions. Long hair: short legs. Long hair: no boobs. Long hair: huge ears. Okay, I may be exaggerating…

Here are some of my fav hairstyles right now in case your scissors are handy, or even better, you’re calling your stylist. (You’re welcome)

ūüôā

 

 

XOXO,

 

Jordan

 

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#BrowGame

BrowGameI’ve been seeing quite a few #BrowGame hashtags on Instagram linked with pictures of very bold, large, distinctive eyebrows. I’ll be honest, eyebrows should never be a feature you point out to someone; they are almost always awkward and unfitting. That was harsh… But, ¬†thin eyebrows are out, so here are a few tips to avoid the evolving stereotype that will be associated with #BrowGame:

  • You’re a natural blonde with died brown hair- You most likely look like you don’t have any eyebrows, so use a light brown eyebrow filler to give your eyebrows slight definition without looking like you’ve drawn them on.¬†
  • Brunette going for the bolder/thicker look? Don’t let them grow passed your your tear ducts and do not use a filler once they’re grown.
  • Arches are good, but only one per eyebrow. I’m serious.
  • ¬†Never go for the bold eyebrows, eyes, and lips combination unless you are in or going to a drag show. ūüėȬ†

People should see your eyes and/or your smile long before they see your eyebrows. If people are seeing your eyebrows before anything, we have a problem.  

 

Happy scaping!

 

XOXO,

 

Jordan 

 

 

Never Have I Ever – Spray Tanned

Spray Tan Friends EpisodeDon’t judge me. I needed a tan. I decided to go to a wedding last minute. I’m definitely not a spray tan advocate, but I’m not necessarily against it-obvi.

I go to get my first spray tan in hopes of adding just enough color to make me look alive. I tell one of the two people that were helping me that this was my first spray tan ever and I’m kind of freaking out. One of them just laughed and said, “Don’t worry, we’ll tell you what to do.” Then, someone else takes me back to the room, pops in the bottle, presses a button and says, “Okay, you’re all set!” Uhh…? Maybe the machine will tell me what to do? I immediately call one my girlfriends and she walked me through the first few steps; put a ton of lotion on your hands and feet, make sure the hair net doesn’t cover any of your forehead, and keep the palms of your hands facing down. Okay, I can totally handle that.

I get in and don’t really know what to do with my hands (yes, total¬†Ricky Bobby moment) but I get through the 2 sprays, front and back. I thought I did a decent job and then it started spraying again. WTF. I couldn’t hear what the machine was telling me to do, so I just came up with a different poses hoping that it would be okay. I get through the unexpected last two sprays and didn’t really feel like I got a “good tan”, so I went ahead and took the bottle out of the booth and started rubbing the mystic tan all over my body, including my face. Freaking out, I know.

I called a few of my girlfriends after that to see how long it typically takes to see if you’re going to look like¬†Ross from Friends¬†and they all freaked. So, I rushed home to take a shower and scrubbed my entire body. Such a waste…

Thank the tanning Gods that the only trademark I have from this are my orange hands. Never will I ever get a spray tan again. I’ll stick to my¬†Victoria’s Secret Beach Sexy body¬†tan enhancer.

XOXO,

Jordan

Look Effortlessly Gorg in less than 10 Minutes

Last week was a slightly rough week for me; I had terrible allergies, some weird eye infection, a cold, and I lost my voice. I need my sleep when I’m sick and I can’t just roll out of bed, throw on some comfy clothes, skip hair and make up, show up for work and expect people to take me seriously. Not to mention in my office, you never know who you’re going to run into.

Of course, I woke up a little late a handful of the mornings I was sick. So, I had no choice but to throw on a little red lip stain, mascara and pull my hair into a tight bun. If I attempted to do anything else with my hair, it would easily add on 30 minutes to my morning rush. I was ready to run out of my front door in less than 10 minutes! Not only was this a record breaker for me, but I actually got a lot of compliments on my “natural” look.

This look was partly inspired by Kourtney Kardashian’s perfectly sleeked back bun and Courtney Kerr’s simple eyes and bold lips. Look how gorgeous they look!

I assume the products they use are a little on the pricey end.
Here are the products I use and that I can’t live without:

20120307-003058.jpg Perfect for bags and/or puffy eyes. Benefit Cosmetics

20120307-003355.jpg The only bronzer I have come across that actually gives you color that’s not orange and glittery. Benefit Cosmetics

20120307-003706.jpg No time for eyeliner and shadow? Just put this above and below your tear ducts and below your brow and your eyes will look gorg yet natural. Benefit Cosmetics

20120307-003943.jpg Use this alone and I guarantee at least five people will ask where you got your lash extensions! Benefit Cosmetics

20120307-004128.jpg Red lips will be the only thing that can tie this look together. This lip stain lasts all day, no sticky gloss to reapply, and you can use it on your cheeks too! Not to mention there’s some weird waive link between a man’s brain and the color red. Red anything will get you more attention than you’re use to. Benefit Cosmetics

20120307-074314.jpg After pulling your hair back into a bun, use this to lay down your baby hairs and to give your hair the perfect Kourtney Kardashian shine. Bed Head – Hard to Get

xoxo,

Jordan

Bringing in 2012 the Right Way

New Year’s Eve: What’s a better excuse for an extravagant night out on the town, as if being young and single in Dallas isn’t enough? NYE is one of the few nights of the year that girls can buy a fun dress and rock dramatic make up and guys can wear fedoras. No, I’m not talking about Halloween. Yes, fedoras should be limited to be worn on this one night of the year unless you’re Britney Spears.

Here are a few tips for looking good, having fun, and being safe while bringing in the new year:
Sequence aren’t just necessary, they are essential this year. Good riddance, rhinestones!
You won’t look like a drag queen if you go for the dramatic eyes and bold lips look, I promise.
Absolutely no flats! Hell, I’m 5’7″ and will be wearing at least 4″ heels.
If you’re single, go out with your fellow single girls. Let’s be honest, it is hard to mingle and get a few free drinks if you’re with your guy friends.
If you are in a relationship, go out with couples. There’s no need to emphasize on that topic…
Don’t skip your pre NYE meal just because your dress is a little tight. You will regret it. (That’s Drinking 101)
Typically when you drink, you dance, which can be embarrassing the day after when you are looking a your night’s pics. Please don’t pull a Snooki, dancing against a glass wall. Yikes…

I assume boys need a few tips as well:
Pin stripe suits were made for mafia/gang related movies, and white shoes with black pants or jeans don’t go together. (stereotype fashion tip… Had to do it!)
If you see a girl that you want to introduce yourself to, buy her what she’s drinking. Study your bitch drinks so you can master this. Vodka waters w/ lemon, Vodka sodas, skinny Margaritas on the rocks and Michelob Ultras are going to be your most common bitch drinks.
If you are more of a ‘shot buyer’, buy a round of shots to include her friends. Buying one girl a shot or two just conveys the wrong message.
The way you talk to your bartender and interact with the strangers around you reveals a lot about you to people watchers. I’m definitely a people watcher.
It IS okay for guys to dance like Pauly D. and Vinny. I know you are relieved after reading that! Haha… It’s fun and shows that you like to have fun.

Most important tip:
Be safe and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!
It usually isn’t hard to find a cab in Dallas, but you might have to help out that person who didn’t read dallasbelle.com and is passing out on the curb at 2AM. Call the Tipsy Tow for them. 1-800-AAA-HELP.
tipseytow.com/AAA

Here are some websites and blogs you should also reference:
NYE Events in Dallas via @frontburner- frontburner.dmagazine.com/NYE
Find the Perf NYE Dress via @fabfitfun- fabfitfun.com/NYEdresses
Make up and Beauty Tips via @CosmoOnline- cosmopolitan.com/hairandbeauty
Tools You Need to not Look Hungover on New Year’s Day via @fabfitfun- fabfitfun.com/hangoverkit

I hope you have a fun and fabulous New Year’s Eve and a successful new year!

XOXO,

Jordan