“Mom, do you have a boyfriend?”

Regardless of the fact that I hardly date, I don’t believe in bringing guys (that could potentially be a boyfriend) around Carson for many reasons. I a) don’t want to give the guy the wrong impression, b) don’t want Carson to get attached and c) it just isn’t something that needs to be done in the early stages of dating (in my book, at least).

I met up with a friend last weekend, and being the hot mess that I am, I left my damn purse in his truck. With Carson in tote, I picked up my purse, said hi and we were on her way. Within 5 minutes of leaving, Carson asks, “Mom, do you have a boyfriend?” Because this is coming from a kid who currently has 5+ girlfriends, I wasn’t completely caught off guard with his cultivated question. I was more so flustered to say, “No Carson. I don’t have a boyfriend…” Hah!

I’m not sure if I’m ready to have these talks with him. He’s so nosey… and smart. Dammit.

 

XOXO,

Very Single Mom

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8 Guys Single Girls Just Can’t Repel

Let’s be honest. As single ladies, we have encountered certain types of guys you’d rather not encounter again. Whether you’re on the dating scene, newly single or flying solo for a while, you can’t avoid these guys. It’s inevitable.

I’ve done my research and categorized these guys. Now, don’t get excited. These aren’t ALL guys I’ve dated. Maybe I did my research through my single girlfriends. But then again, we’re being honest…

The Professional Dater: This guy knows what he’s doing. You have a short conversation and boom- he asks you out. If you don’t jump to the idea, he’s persistent. He lets you pick the day and time, he chooses the place, and he knows how to carry the conversation and asks all the super lame interview-y questions. Then he wraps it up (the date), picks up the tab, hugs you goodbye and calls it a night.

Why is this so bad? Well, he’s so comfortable dating that he missed the whole pre-qualifying step. It’s like a blind date sans the blind. Not interested in him? He’d never know…

The Reassurance Craver: He’s needy. Run away. This guy probably just got out of a shitty relationship where he lost all of his confidence. Now, he is throwing compliments at you like he’s competing for a long stem red rose. Sure… take advantage of it! All girls need to bask in compliments every now and then, but don’t fall for it…

What’s so wrong with a guy needing some positive reinforcement from someone other than his mom? For starters, he wants you to turn all of those compliments around on him. You’ll do it. He’ll get his confidence boost. It won’t last.

The Not Seriously, Too Serious Dater: Usually with this guy, you know that you aren’t going to be FBO (Facebook Official) any time soon and you’re okay with that. You’re both just dating for fun. That is until you’re sipping your wine and holding hands as he leads you to your floor seats at a Mavs game… to be seated with-his-parents.

Sure, Mavs games are fun, but with his parents? Regardless of the “nonchalant or not” dating, no one wants or needs to meet your parents on the first date.

The Dumbass: No full time job, lives with his parents or crashing at a buddy’s and has no idea what he wants to do with his life, yet he still thinks he can find himself a girlfriend. The only thing that is getting your attention is that he is a regular texter.

Need I say more?

The Undercover Dater: You’ll find these guys online, but they’ll find you first! He doesn’t have hardly any pictures, he has a random @DallasmavsGuy username and no personal bio. Yeah, I know… all red flags already. Then he’ll start messaging you and gradually tells you about his well paying job, stable life and so on. You’re reeled in and then he asks you out.

It’s not a crime to go on an innocent date. Why not test the waters? Take a chance? Let’s just say you’ll want to know his first AND last name before committing to a date to ensure he isn’t 20+ years older than you. I’m sure it’s really awkward retracting your agreement to go on the date post last name discovery.

The Non-Settler: They think they are the absolute shit, so they are holding out for Jessica Biel. When in the long run, they are just super lonely. They text you, constantly flirts with you, he even talks to you on the phone (that’s rare), but he won’t do anything for you that would be going out of his way.

He’ll impress you enough to hold your attention, but you’re not getting anything out of it. And let’s face it, he probably isn’t your Justin Timberlake either. On to the next…

The Pre-Major Commitment Tester: He stems from the Non-Settler. Not a dater but a tester, and unfortunately, these guys do exist. They’ve been in a serious relationship and it’s about to get more serious. So they freak and go test the waters real fast to make sure they didn’t miss their Jessica Biel. They’ll find you, profess their unheard of feelings for you, you’ll fall for it, and he’ll be engaged the next day.

The Too Soon Clinger: You know that saying “give them an inch and they take a mile?” That would be this guy. You briefly give him some attention and he immediately starts the non-stop texting, makes countless (annoying) offers to hang out and just flat out won’t leave you alone. I would scream if I wasn’t already suffocating.

Don’t be completely put off by this guy. They actually mean well. Just be super blunt with them and don’t lead them on.

 

Did I miss a category? Oh, right… the actual ideal guy. Yeah, so that guy girls don’t have a hard time repelling. We can’t find them in the haystack to begin with!

 

XOXO,

Jordan

 

12 Reasons Why Being a Single Mom Kicks Douchebag Ass

What does it mean to be a young single mom?

Thanks to terrible reality TV, there is a sickening stereotype associated with the ‘Single Mom’ title and even worse preconceptions from a good number of men in the dating scene.  Right off of the bat, they automatically think that you don’t have your life together, you are on the prowl for a baby daddy and/or sugar daddy, your life is filled with drama and you have too much baggage. Yep, I said baggage.

What people don’t know is that it kicks ass being an independent single mom, douchebag ass.

Here are just some reasons why:

 

1) Your child is your motivator.

Being able to provide for your family (no matter how small it may be) feels great. It makes you want to get out and conquer the world just for your child’s future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) You don’t “need” someone to make you happy or to love you.

You have all of that, plus an insane amount of pride.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3) You have a best friend.

 

4) You develop a killer support system.

We’ve always been told that family is #1 and it is so true. Your family is by your side through it all and supports you through everything. They become your best friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5) You aren’t trying to impress anyone but your kiddo.

And when they give you the “thumbs up,” (literally or not) your day, week, month, year is made.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6) No date will ever compare to your date nights with your main lover.

But seriously- no getting ready, no annoying small talk and no high probability of awkward encounters.

 

 

7) Nights out become a little more mainstream…

Hang overs become a less frequent thing and your friendships are way more real.

 

8) Let’s not kid ourselves. A “man” is still in the back of your mind, but you don’t settle (or waste time) on anything you know you don’t want or deserve.

*Bonus- It is much easier to weed out the douches when you’re upfront about being a proud momma. If they run… #SeeYa

 

9) You have priorities and they’re prioritized.

While people around your age, without kids, are worrying about impressing their current men-terest (grown up crush), what others are saying about them and who said what about you- you are just trying to successfully get your kid through school, or life in general, and you could care less what he thinks or what she said.

 

10) You still aren’t missing out on anything with having a kid. 

Yeah, GTL is more a thing of the past, but you can make it work… out.

 

 

11) You don’t need a cup of coffee to perk you up for the day.

Those little feet tiptoeing through your apartment and huge morning grin does it for you; the coffee is an added bonus.

 

12) When you’re having a day of doubt, we all have Sandra: proof that being a single mom (willingly or not) is possible and can look damn good. Thanks, Sandra. 

 

 

XOXO,

 

Jordan- also known as: Jo-Momma 😉 

 

Dallasbelle Rule #11: A Man That Calls Himself a Gentleman is Just the Opposite

 

Who is the judge of what man is considered a “gentleman” and what is even the definition of a gentleman these days?

Having deep east Texas roots, I was raised to know what the true definition of a gentleman is, but can someone please tell me where it is? I can tell you exactly where it’s not, which leads me to my Dallasbelle Rule #11…

9.9 times out of 10, a man that calls himself a gentleman is just the opposite.  

Don’t get me wrong- A man should always strive to be a gentleman, but one cannot award himself with that title. I’ll give you some insight…

• It’s all about the little things. Don’t do something nice to get your girl’s attention. Constantly do the little things to hold your girl’s attention.
• What other girls say about you (IRL or online) speaks volumes of who you really are- no matter how crazy they are.
• What YOU say (IRL or online) can totally help you or will completely hurt you. Obvi- you aren’t a gentleman if you subtweet a girl and call her a bitch. #gentlemanFAIL
• It’s never a good sign when he only talks about himself.

 

Essentially, it’s more than wearing cowboy boots, opening up doors for her and ending all of your sentences with beautiful or babe. And the be-all, end-all, actions always speak louder than words. Girls, don’t let ’em fool you.

 

XOXO,

 

Jordan

 

 

Let’s get Tinder with it…

“Will you by my Tinder-ella?”

“Tinder said our kids would look beautiful. A little forward I thought. Figured I’d introduce myself first.”

“Hey there Jordan. I’m a decent singer and mediocre dancer… I think we should start a pop duo.”

“Hello there you Stonecold Fox!”

“We’ll be married by Christmas at this rate.”

“So, does this mean we’re dating now?”

“On a scale of Facebook to Tinder, how wild do you get on weeknights?”

“Do you have 11 protons cause you sodium fine.”

“This app is meant for playing, so let’s stay true to that and let’s play over texts. Don’t be shy, it could be fun.”

“So, is this the part where I send a witty and original message and you laugh a little, then, because you just can’t help yourself, you reply with…” (NO)

————————————————————————————

“I liked you on Tinder!” My best guy friend totally caught me off guard when he called me out, IRL, on being on Tinder. To be completely honest, I forgot that I downloaded it. I work for a social media technology company, so I did my part by downloading it to… you know… research it. Sounds legitimate, right? Well, I got frustrated with the app, exited and called it a day. 

A week later, I met up with some friends who I found out are on Tinder and they started to tell me their Tinder stories. They made it sound much less creepy than my preconception and they talked me into getting back on to try it out; so, I did.  

So, it isn’t necessarily a dating app. And, it isn’t a perverted app either (hello, Grindr). It is 100% based on looks and your location. You can ‘Nope’ (AKA swipe left) or ‘Like’ (AKA swipe right) someone’s profile. Your profile consists of 5 pictures, your first name only, any mutual Facebook friends and Facebook interests. (Oh yeah, you have to have a Facebook to use the app.) You can’t message someone until you become a ‘Match’ (AKA when you like/swipe right each other). At that point, bring on the catchy, mostly creepy, Tinder-lines. I’ll be honest, I never send the first message but I have sent ONE Tinder-line that I’m pretty proud of and I don’t necessarily regret it. 🙂 

Through the incoming Tinder-lines and the countless ‘swipe lefts’, I have matched with some cool people. Most of time time, not anyone I’d date, but it’s fun regardless. I’ve met a few pro-ballers, a reality TV guy, and way too many Fort Worth-ers (Dallas’ next door neighbor- apparently, most of the Dallas Tindees look like douches). So, with this app, you are able to meet people you wouldn’t typically meet otherwise. I’m not on it to find me a man, but then again I’m on the app, so I could be lying. I haven’t decided. 

And of course I have Tinder stories to tell- Like when I dodged a match at a bar in Uptown and when a match found my blog before even finding my last name, but I’ll save those stories for later. 

Go ahead and download the app. I know Truffles is downloading it in… 3, 2, 1. 

 

Happy Tinder-ing,

Jordan

 PS- #NoCatfishing