What I Know Now as a Mother That I Wish I Knew 5 Years Ago

I am so far from having this mom gig figured out. And just like any other mom, I am learning everyday. There is SO much they don’t tell you when you enter the world of motherhood and there is so much left out of all of those parenting books… (not that I read any of them). It is always the small and simple things that help you tremendously. And you usually learn those things the hard way. (hi.) Here is what I have figured out over time that I wish I knew when Carson was a baby…

 

Don’t over do it. That ginorm 1st birthday party that they will never remember… was it worth all of that money? For me? Nope. There are going to be SO many expenses that magically pop up as your little one gets older; save that money!

Find a steady balance in your career and the mom gig. It is extremely important to be able to provide for your family and make a career for yourself, especially if you’re doing this on your own. You might have to make some sacrifices at home and at work. You will learn when to take time off and when to work late.

If you can, get the maid. Even if she comes once every other month, it will help keep you sane.

Don’t compete with other moms. Your kid will ALWAYS be better than her kid. No need to make that a competition…

Don’t forget to take care of YOURSELF. Go get a massage. Get your rest. Go to the dentist. Get your work outs in. Take time for yourself.

You are going to get frustrated. The way you react to your frustrations will reflect onto your kid.

Tell them how proud you are of them daily.  Everyone needs some positive reassurance every now and then (I know I do) and kids need it that much more. And again, it’s the little things. Tell them they did a great job cleaning the table off. That they were so brave during that storm. That they finished their homework all by themselves.

Be a tough lover. It is important to be tough on them, give them high expectations and don’t back down… not even when they give you that look… You know what look I’m talking about! But when you are tough on them, remind them how much you love them and hug and kiss them.

Know when to say no. You will have plans with friends you will have to turn down. You might not be able to buy those shoes. It probably isn’t a good idea for the kiddo to eat that whole bag of Sour Patch Kids.

Know when to say yes. Take a night off and go out with your girlfriends! You worked your ass off on that project, buy the shoes. It’s Friday night, let him eat the candy. You see what I did there?

Speaking of girlfriends, focus on your core girlfriends. You no longer have time to be a socialite and keep up with all of those acquaintances. Your core girlfriends will respect you and your struggle as a mother. They shouldn’t expect you to pick up the bar tab, to go on Saturday shopping sprees and to go out regularly.

Give your kid a bed time! There is nothing better than getting your kid to bed by 8:15 and being able to kick back, watch Real Housewives and drink your wine without any interruptions.

Always have wine on hand. A glass of wine (or two) after bed time is kind of just as healthy as taking your daily vitamins. Cheers!

 

 

XOXO,

 

Jordan

 

12 Reasons Why Being a Single Mom Kicks Douchebag Ass

What does it mean to be a young single mom?

Thanks to terrible reality TV, there is a sickening stereotype associated with the ‘Single Mom’ title and even worse preconceptions from a good number of men in the dating scene.  Right off of the bat, they automatically think that you don’t have your life together, you are on the prowl for a baby daddy and/or sugar daddy, your life is filled with drama and you have too much baggage. Yep, I said baggage.

What people don’t know is that it kicks ass being an independent single mom, douchebag ass.

Here are just some reasons why:

 

1) Your child is your motivator.

Being able to provide for your family (no matter how small it may be) feels great. It makes you want to get out and conquer the world just for your child’s future.

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2) You don’t “need” someone to make you happy or to love you.

You have all of that, plus an insane amount of pride.

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3) You have a best friend.

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4) You develop a killer support system.

We’ve always been told that family is #1 and it is so true. Your family is by your side through it all and supports you through everything. They become your best friends.

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5) You aren’t trying to impress anyone but your kiddo.

And when they give you the “thumbs up,” (literally or not) your day, week, month, year is made.

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6) No date will ever compare to your date nights with your main lover.

But seriously- no getting ready, no annoying small talk and no high probability of awkward encounters.

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7) Nights out become a little more mainstream…

Hang overs become a less frequent thing and your friendships are way more real.

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8) Let’s not kid ourselves. A “man” is still in the back of your mind, but you don’t settle (or waste time) on anything you know you don’t want or deserve.

*Bonus- It is much easier to weed out the douches when you’re upfront about being a proud momma. If they run… #SeeYa

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9) You have priorities and they’re prioritized.

While people around your age, without kids, are worrying about impressing their current men-terest (grown up crush), what others are saying about them and who said what about you- you are just trying to successfully get your kid through school, or life in general, and you could care less what he thinks or what she said.

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10) You still aren’t missing out on anything with having a kid. 

Yeah, GTL is more a thing of the past, but you can make it work… out.

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11) You don’t need a cup of coffee to perk you up for the day.

Those little feet tiptoeing through your apartment and huge morning grin does it for you; the coffee is an added bonus.

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12) When you’re having a day of doubt, we all have Sandra: proof that being a single mom (willingly or not) is possible and can look damn good. Thanks, Sandra. 

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XOXO,

 

Jordan- also known as: Jo-Momma 😉 

 

Father’s Day – the new Single Mother’s Day?

Being a mother is rewarding. Being a father is exciting. Being both is rewarding, exciting and challenging. In a lot of families, you have your mom who is the care taker, the heart of the family and the household stylist and the dad who is the protector, the motivator and the rock. How does a single parent balance both? I’m still trying to figure that out… 

Being a mom and a dad for Carson is probably the most rewarding challenge I will ever face. Being in this position is tough. You have to be the good guy and the bad guy and figure out when you are supposed to be the bad guy and how long until the good guy comes back. (head spinning) You have to figure out how to have a successful career and still be able to keep up with school, the house and quality time together. There isn’t a time to slip; you have to try to be the best role model you can be because what you are is what your child will become. (that’s scary) And through all of that, you have to stay sane and keep somewhat of a social life.

There are ways to make being a single mom easier and people ask me all of the time, “Why don’t you ask for child support?” I’ll be honest… There are multiple reasons why I don’t ask or want child support. 1) Having a child isn’t a debt. 2) You can’t pay to be a parent; you have to be a parent. 3) I have a little too much pride being a single mom to accept money from someone. 4) It feels really good providing for the love of your life on your own, regardless of how hard it actually is.

Then, people will ask me, “Why don’t you date?” Haha… That’s a little more complex. I know so many single moms that rush into relationships or go from one serious relationship to the next in hopes of taking a load off of their plate. Good idea, but that’s not how I roll. When it comes to dating, I know what and who is right for me and what I am looking for; it’s not a dad for Carson. That’s when it gets complicated. When that time comes –if it ever does- and everything works out, that person will end up being someone I would want in Carson’s life, but I’m not actively looking for a “dad” for Carson. It’s as simple as that, right?

With that being said, we had a great Father’s Day. He made Father’s Day cards for the two most influential men in his life, my dad and grandpa, his Grumpa and Boompa (we’re country) and played at the lake. We couldn’t be happier.

Happy Father’s Day to my fellow single moms and awesome dads, especially mine!

 

XOXO,

Jordan

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